


Disenchanted

by Gloriette_deWentz5



Series: Glo's not-so-colorful Anventures [3]
Category: All of which I follow, I'm upset-but honestly when am I not?, None - Fandom, not really-I just don't wanna point fingers
Genre: I don't wanna give further explanations on this, Just read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-17
Updated: 2017-03-17
Packaged: 2018-10-06 20:06:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10343637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gloriette_deWentz5/pseuds/Gloriette_deWentz5
Summary: Title is kinda self-explanatory...





	

**Author's Note:**

> This might sound repetitive, I say "I thought" a lot, and my grammar may fail, but honestly, I'm not in the mindset to give a shit, so meh...

As a kid who got in her head the idea that I was more mature than other people my age, I have always lived under that shit, so I have always considered the stuff I do and think mature.

Today I'm calling shit on that. I'm not mature at all.

What brings me to this conclussion, and bothering me enough to write an entire text about it?

As a "very mature person", I always thought my approach to idols and famous people you can admire was very mature and well thought, I considered myself a good fan, unlike those kids that believe their idols to be gods of some kind. I always considered myself a bit more down-to-Earth and thought that I saw them raw as humans, I thought I was very realistic about them. I thought I knew how to deal with it, and unlike others, I couldn't be that easily disenchanted by someone I didn't know because I a) knew I didn't know them personally, and b) knew they had flaws and recognized them as something natural, so it'll be forgivable.

But apparently, I'm not half as mature as I ever considered myself to be.

I'm not saying names, but just today I became aware of some facts and attitudes about people I admire and have given lots of live energy to, that made me cringe. I think that's because perhaps those facts were stronger shit than I ever expected, you now, it's not the basic "that person speaks with their mouth full of food"(which makes the mysophonic in me anxious); no, it was like racism and sexism related shit that goes a bit too far for my liking, being a latina(our continent is huge, but let's be real, we're a minority, and us colombians are hated worldwide because of shit one dude did with drug-dealing -and a girl... that's self-explanatory).

I can stand people being silly, forgetful, and you know, the basic human flaws, I don't mind; if we're gonna talk about flaws, fingers must be pointed at me before anyone else, so I know that's a human thing. But rape jokes, sexist comments, racist attitudes, all of that shit, I cannot stand.

And I feel immature and stupid because I did not stop to think about the possibility of those people being racist and sexist. Granted, you can't think that of people, and it's better to think of the bright side and all that shit. But I feel like I should have considered it as a posibility, I don't really know why, maybe so I wouldn't be as discouraged and disenchanted as I feel right now? And I feel stupid because really "mature" me is feeling sad because she found some shit about people she admired(worshiped?) and has never met in her life, and probably never will (let's be real, those people are NOT coming to Colombia, and if they are, I'm not going to the show, let alone meet&greet shit-'cuz of being poor af-), so why am I getting so worked up about it? It's doesn't matter, it's just a bunch of strangers, fucking get over it, Gloria. And writing this thing, and feeling like this, and being aware of that feeling, is what makes me feel stupid.

Looks like I wasn't as down-to-Earth and mature when it comes to admiring strangers, you just shouldn't feel sad about that kind of thing. I'm having a "Porcelain" feeling right now and I just hate it so much. Because as I said earlier, it's not the basic "they're not perfect" shit, it's huge offensive shit we're talking about, and that' why I can't let this slip.

Now, there's another little someone who comented on something which was not offensive at all, but a bit... idk, controversial in the fandom? And it's something I don't like to see coments on so that's why it made me so upset?? idk, I just liked that person a lot too and the picture is a bit tainted now (over a silly fandom coment, look how "mature" I can be ¬¬...).

But little Gloria has learnt the lesson: just trust nobody. Especially not heroes and idols and shit. Because fuck them.

Anyways, I don't feel that words can describe how I feel right now, I tried but failed miserably, so I'll leave it at that. If you read all of this, thanks for caring, and sorry for wasting your time.

**Author's Note:**

> -This note was gonna be on the new chapter of "Relapses", but I can't seem to be able to finish it anytime soon, so I'll just put it here, so that you'll see it early, idk, I just felt the need to tell people, even if they don't give a fuck-  
> *Also... for quite a while now I've been linking a tumblr and a facebook page over here, but no one ever followed them -or told me stop doing it for that matter :v- so I decided to just get rid of them. Also, because there are these creepy ass accounts on tumblr with "hot gurls wanna fuck w/you" shit that for some reason are the only ones that have followed me-they probs think they'll find someone interested in that by just following random people, but I'm not so...-; and I have no idea how to use a tumblr. Really. I hesitated to get one, and I did because it's so, idk, common in the fic community, that I was like "hey, maybe it'll work to get closer to the audience and shit". And it's not like I expected to have a million followers in a day, but at least seeing a couple people who read my shit would've been cool, but it never happened. Currently, I have 2 people following me, but it seems like they don't want to show they're following me? So I don't know who they are, if any of them is one of you readers, please let me know. So yeah, I'm not deleting the tumblr, 'cuz I follow couple people I like, facebook can die tho :v But sure thing I'll stop linking them around. This is the only site where you can contact me from now on-well, if you're... interested at all, that is-. Anyways, that's it regarding that matter, nobody ever cared(which makes me wonder why did I ever created those pages in the first place? I just assumed people would be interested when they were clearly not?), but I had to say it because this is like my little anonymous confessional thing. At least I know people here are reading, unlike my facebook page, which has zero followers(and will never change that 'cuz let's be real, I asked people and no one said "yes, I'd follow" and still I went on and created it).*


End file.
